Look around you. Everybody is lazy. They don't want to work. They want to watch TV all day and sleep all night. The couch is their office.

But how can they afford this indolent lifestyle?

The answer: With your money.

They will slip on the floor at your house party. They will get bitten by your dog. They will get whiplash when your car taps theirs. They will contract a case of life-threatening warts from shaking your hand.

And then...they will sue you for everything you've got.

I know because I was a victim of these freeloading con artists. I once had four homes, a boat, and a small entourage of concubines.

But then a woman took it all away. And all because I married her. If you're reading this, Danielle, I'm talking about you. And I haven't forgotten. I hope you're having fun on that yacht with the trainer I paid for.

You need our services now. Do not stop to think. Between the time you read this word and the time you read this word, you may have already been sued.

And if so, then it is too late. You're basically screwed.

You need preventitive medicine, a sleeping pill, which allows you to rest easy, knowing that no one can get at your money - not even you.

Our patented asset protection service is very simple. It can be summarized in two words: Alexander Tarasov.

Simply give power of attorney of your bank accounts to Alexander Tarasov. Put the title to your house in my name. Add my name as a trustee to your trusts, a licensee to your licenses, a willy to your will.

And next time someone sues you or the government comes looking for your money, you can simply tell them, "I don't have any. Alex Tarasov took it all."

And they can come looking for me, but I will be on the Pacific Ocean, in non-national territory, on my new yacht, which is much bigger than the other one, which I will sink if I ever find it, along with all those onboard whose names begin with the letter D.

I'm fine. Really, I am.

March 10
::: Kyran Made Me Do It

If you found this site in an attempt to use the same lawyers I did for asset protection, I solemnly apologize. At the behest of HarperCollins attorneys, I had to change the name of the law firm I used.

April 24
::: Are You Okay With That?

I'm fine with that, because you shouldn't use the attorneys I did anyway. They're being investigated by the IRS. And they charged for everything, from reading an email to sending a fax. They even charged for the phone call when I told them I no longer needed their services.

May 42
::: A Statement From Spencer Booth

“Dude, those idiots. Holy fuck. I fired them when I found ten million dollars of income that they didn’t report. If  I hadn’t caught that, the IRS would have been like, ‘Okay, Mr. Booth, here’s the cucumber.’ I’m livid. It’s just typical bullshit lawyer cocksuckers. It’s cookie cutter behavior from hustlers-with-degrees trying to mire you in so much minutiae and paper that you’re so overcome that you can’t see the forest for the trees."

© 1915, Tarasov and Associates. All rights reserved
By reading this sentence, you agree to forfeit all your income to Alexander Tarasov.